


missed you, missing me

by magnolieas



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, College, Confessions, Crushes, Family Drama, M/M, Outing, Teen Romance, the destiny trio and wayfinder trio ot3s are background minor pairings, the twilight trio is featured briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 12:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20135779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnolieas/pseuds/magnolieas
Summary: Roxas has what maybe only barely constitutes as family drama, but it feels big and important and like he can’t help but hang on to it. Meanwhile, there’s this thing with Axel -- which is nothing, but also a lot. Mostly, it’s just his first crush from high school days still going strong. Roxas, simply put, is a mess.





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 8/13 day and akuroku week! I’m posting this a bit early in the week partially because I’m going out of town pretty soon and won’t be back home until after festivities are over, but also because it’s for [this akuroku week fic event](https://seasaltandflurryflames.tumblr.com/tagged/akuroku-week-2019). So here’s me using the prompt words ‘Reunion’ and ‘Disaster’!
> 
> This story is a bit slice of life, and it’s... idk light on plot? I don’t know how to explain what this is or why I decided to explore my otp in this way, but ta-da. Kudos to anyone who can recognize the origin of the YA lit premise that I'm trying my take on. I wanted to try my hand at the concept 'parent is semi-famous in a very specific way, trouble ensues' because the original premise I read was not even a little bit gay but really was perfect for it. If none of that makes any sense to you, don't worry about it -- it's entirely unimportant for enjoying this fic.
> 
> Okay, well happy akuroku day and week to all my fellow akuroku fans! I love all of you and our ship, and I hope you enjoy this!

It started like this: Sora and Roxas were twins born to a mother who loved her small hometown and had convinced her now-husband but then-serious boyfriend that staying in New England was a good choice. Their dad had wanted to go off to California after college to pursue animation and illustration. But through some needling and some convincing arguments about the fact that his future-wife had lifelong contacts in New England (on account of being born and raised all her life in a small Rhode Island town), she won the argument. This was because, as she’d put it, she could get him in touch with quite a few smaller publishing houses that might be willing and able to help him more immediately and intentionally with his career.

It happened something like that, or so the story went. Whatever. Roxas hadn’t know his parents back when they were new college grads and making huge, life altering decisions based on each other. To be honest, the whole ‘basing life decisions on each other when we’re barely over 20’ thing sounded stupid to him.

Still, it couldn’t be denied that it worked out for them. His mom’s former neighbor who had babysat her occasionally growing up got his dad an internship at the regional paper back in those yesteryears, and it had led to his dad illustrating a pretty popular newspaper comic strip for a good majority of his and Sora’s lives. Said comic strip was actually still going, even now.

Fast forward to today.

“Roxas,” Sora said with a sigh and a whine on the edge of his tone, poised very zen-like one the edge of his work desk that was spotless for once, all his belongings packed up. “It’s _fine_. Come on.”

Roxas was still pissed, because it didn’t feel fine. Not at all. And he certainly wasn’t in any mood to go back home for his parents’ anniversary party, summer break upon them or not. Unfortunately, it was a little late to be making those kinds of decisions, to suddenly not attend the party -- their mom had already sprung for the tickets and emailed them the verification pages for them to print out and scan at the airport. But still -- screw that noise. Roxas wanted to at the very least make a stand against how very not okay he still felt this all was.

“How are you more okay with this than me?” Roxas asked vehemently, staring at Sora’s reflection in the mirror hanging on the closet door, It was the only way he could maintain eye contact with him, half tucked back in the closet as he was.

Roxas already did know how it was that Sora was ‘more okay’ with things, because it was very simple: Sora was the chill twin. The better person. The forgiving and kind one. Roxas was bitter and angry and he liked to pretend he came into this world that way. Really, he was just a pessimist to Sora’s optimist, but it sounded better when he said it in other ways. “It’s shitty. It sucks. I’d be livid.”

“Er, it’s, like, kind of expected,” Sora countered, that odd mix of sheepish and calm he got when he gave in to the unpredictability of life. “I’ve been half waiting for it to happen since we came out with it.”

“Even though he never asked you?” Roxas grumbled, throwing a tennis shoe at an angle from his closet to his open suitcase. It bounced off the edge of the luggage and clattered to their dorm room floor.

Sora only shrugged this off. “I didn’t ask him not to, either. Technically, this one’s a little on me, because Dad’s new to this stuff.” Roxas visibly bristled, and the way Sora hurried to continue meant he saw this in the mirror. Reflections worked two ways, after all. “Hey listen, it just means me and Riku and Kairi can show up to the party and be as lovey-dovey as we want. No big deal.”

That was maybe oversimplifying it. It absolutely _felt_ like a big deal. A big, stupid, unwarranted deal. Their dad had always loved to draw inspiration from real life, had always loved to base the comic on the comings and goings of their family and neighborhood. The comic was essentially one big caricature. Everything was thinly veiled, and it was generally known in their town that a lot of the strip’s plots were always one of two things -- either a general metaphor for or an outright direct retelling of whatever was going on in their family’s lives.

Sometimes it included neighborhood drama or regional absurdities, and even politics here and there. Sometimes it was that time Roxas got a really bad haircut when he was eight and Sora tried to fashion the same awful style with his safety scissors in twin solidarity. Sometimes it was about crushes (or at least crushes their dad _thought_ they had) or the way their parents had to split college touring right down the middle, Sora with Mom and Roxas with Dad (which ended being months’ worth of comic fodder because of road trip disasters and walking tour mishaps). The subjects varied, but never by much, and everyone knew it. The strip was their family’s business, retold generally several weeks to three months later, due to newspaper comics’ syndication schedules and however inspiration took hold of their dad.

That was just known. That was just fact. The strip was their family. And the strip was popular enough, and the regional paper important enough, that it was shared between a few counties and towns in the area. That was well known too. So for their dad to take Sora’s _news_, Sora’s coming out to their immediate family as bi and as poly -- as dating his two best friends, in fact -- and use it in the strip... 

Roxas was upset over it, still. He couldn’t believe his dad, even if he and Sora had already had a private conversation about it. Dad had come down to their school and everything when things first kicked off, finals and end of term projects be dammed. He spent three days in a nearby hotel room and had Sora stay over the whole time as they talked it out.

Though that had been all Sora needed to forgive him, it still didn’t feel good enough for Roxas. “Are you really sure it’s okay?” He asked. Now, more gently tossing the tennis shoe’s pair and managing a clean shot right into his suiitcase, Roxas was more hesitant overall. But he also was definitely still angry. Angry on Sora’s behalf. On their childhood’s behalf too, and the way it’d always been broadcasted to four state districts, one of which they actually had to live in. “You didn’t get to choose to come out to the entirety of our hometown. And that really sucks.”

Sora got up with a small _oof_, and shuffled over, crouching and crawling halfway in the closet with Roxas, reaching out to place a gentle hand over Roxas’. “Hey, it’s fine. I’m fine. And bright side! With the shock value used up on me, whatever happens with you -- ” He started wriggling his eyebrow, grinning at Roxas, looking evil even with the light outside the closet haloing him. “And _Axel_ \-- ”

Roxas scowled and made to crawl around Sora and out of the closet. “Please stop.”

Sora threw himself at Roxas, crushing Roxas under him, trapping him in a hug, as Sora cackled. “Never! Make me! You can’t! You and Axel won’t have to be a big deal in the strip now and you know it!”

Only Sora could effortlessly go on to make his point while hug-tackling someone to the ground. Still, Roxas, laying prone under Sora, stayed silent. He didn’t want to start talking about it, about how he and Axel were nothing, were as undefined as ever so Sora’s sunny optimism that there’d soon be something, or anything, between them worthy of news comic fodder. He didn’t want to think about him and Axel in the comic.

And anyway, it was currently irrelevant. Roxas wasn’t going to see Axel for a while, even if they were heading back home. It was summer, but the first weekend was going to be filled with party planning and dealing with relatives who were in town. Sure, Axel was _there_, back home, Roxas knew that -- but he just wasn’t going to see him for a little bit. 

Yeah, of course Roxas knew exactly what Axel was up to and exactly where he was at. They’d lost contact after Roxas graduated high school, but that lost time was a thing of a long forgotten past. Roxas was grateful for that, even if he’d never say it out loud -- because Axel was... sort of like the night sky to him, in a way. Endlessly expansive, mysterious and beautiful and miraculous. Untouchable. Something Roxas wanted to experience forever. 

Immediately annoyed with himself for getting sappy in his head, Roxas tickled ruthlessly at Sora’s sides, and escaped his brother’s grasp while Sora wheezed for a breath that was labored by laughter.

Just because Axel was working at the library, Roxas thought as he crawled out of the closet and jumped to his feet -- leaving a wheezing Sora for dead as he went to retrieve the forgotten tennis shoe -- didn’t mean Roxas had to go find him first thing once they got back home. Just because Roxas knew quite precisely that Axel was going to the local college at home, saving up and dreaming big dreams about where he was going to escape off to grad school in a few years, all of that enamoring Roxas perhaps a little bit, didn’t mean anything.

Just because Axel had been texting and messaging and chatting with Roxas since last summer when they accidentally reconnected by bumping into each other at the grocery store (Roxas making an egg run for his mom to make pancakes; Axel buying a pack of water bottles and snack-sized chips for impromptu roadtripping with Demyx and Larxene) didn’t mean there was a thread of fate and destiny tying them together.

So what, they instantly fell back into easy conversation as if no time had passed and as if Roxas hadn’t panicked and gone silent on Axel first? So what, it all constantly felt like he and Axel were simmering on the boundary of something more amazing and huge than Roxas could even begin to fathom? So what, Roxas couldn’t tell if Axel was flirting or just being friendly and this was the story of his life, of his and Axel’s life all of high school and the reason Roxas had just cut it out after graduation? They were back at it, and Roxas had missed it. Had missed Axel.

(“You’re an idiot,” Xion usually sighed out when it came to all this, but she was more convinced than Roxas was that Axel was flirting. Maybe she was right, but Roxas didn’t want to take on that bet and for her to be wrong.)

Roxas pretended he and Sora hadn’t switched places, Sora leaning against the closet doorframe and watching him silently. Roxas went to his desk and started shuffling around stacks of paper and notebooks that he needed to pack up or throw away already.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Sora said softly. “With me. And with you and Axel.”

Roxas snorted at the notion. He had not told Axel he was coming home this weekend. And he had most definitely not told Axel about the party. It was one thing to be flirting (maybe) over text for the past ten months. It was another thing entirely to meet up and go to his parents’ anniversary party together. Because that was the thing -- if Roxas told Axel, that he was coming home this early on in summer to go to a party for his parents, then Roxas would also end up asking if he wanted to go to said party together. And it wasn’t a _bad_ idea -- in fact, Xion was pushing for him to do it. Sora was cheering him on to do it. Roxas’ own heart was screaming at him to do it.

But like. No. That was a lot of pressure. And also -- Roxas was still pretty pissed at his dad. So, he hadn’t decided if he was going to make this weekend a miserable affair yet. He hadn’t decided if he felt comfortable enough about flaunting his semi-blatant crush on another boy in front of distant relatives at a party that was so soon after their dad outing Sora. This party was promising to be a weird affair, and trying to navigate that while being enamored by his old high school crush turned second year in college _it’s complicated_ situation was not going to help matters.

“Well, I don’t know about my stuff, but know that I’ve got your back,” Roxas told Sora instead, thinking about family members who might be annoying or awful or try to bug Sora about how he couldn’t date two people at once. “And that I might yell at Dad when I see him. I still haven’t decided.”

“Appreciate it,” Sora said with a laugh, finally crawling out of the closet as well to help Roxas actually start packing.

* * *

Roxas knew it was petty -- he’d had an entire flight and taxi ride to the house to think about it after all -- but he chose to hold on to that anger at his dad. Performative as it might have seemed, he still chose short, testy replies. Chose to spit out, “Don’t _touch_ me,” the moment he walked in the house, letting only his mom hug him before pulling away from his father’s approach. He choose livid glaring and to say, “I’m still mad at you.” Sora sighed and meandered away, shaking his head a little, but it wasn’t like Roxas hadn’t warned him this was coming. 

His dad seemed taken aback. Then, to his credit, his expression dropped into something distraught. Something really totally remorseful, and Roxas felt a little of his resolve wavering. “I’m sorry,” Dad said, wringing his hands and looking from Roxas to Sora to Mom. “I already apologized to your brother, I didn’t realize -- ”

_Yeah_, that was the problem though, that he never realized. Roxas had been on his case about this before, and the lesson had never sunk in. Roxas wasn’t ready to let this all go, no matter how sorry his dad seemed.

“You can’t publish everything that happens in our lives, I’ve been saying that,” Roxas insisted, les angrily and more tiredly, dropping his bags by the front door and crossing his arms defensively. He felt like he was the only one who cared about this in the way it deserved to be cared about, and it was bewildering.

Sora wandered further into the living room to collapse on the couch face first in exhaustion from their trip. It was an exhaustion Roxas shared, but he persevered, even as their mom rubbed soothing circles on his back to ease the tension in his shoulders. “I’ve been saying it since high school, that you can’t do that, and you never listened. And now you outed your son to the entire town, and however many other towns all over the district -- ”

“Roxas, I’m _sorry_,” their dad said plaintively, still wringing his hands and sharing some sort of coded glance with his mom that Roxas couldn’t figure out. “Sora and I talked this out when it first happened. I shouldn’t have done it. I can’t undo it, but I’m so sorry that I did.”

Roxas -- knew they had talked. And that his dad was apologetic. But it was just -- Roxas _had_ been telling his dad about the dangers of his comics pulling so directly from their lives for years. Roxas remembered the horror of seeing his dad draw little bits of the shenanigans he’d twist himself into for and with Axel, how his dad hadn’t realized they were more than overtures of friendship. That it wasn’t just Roxas thinking his upperclassman in drama club was cool, but also _cute_. Dad hadn’t realized what it was he was detailing, and it’d been mortifying for Roxas to not really be able to say anything to stop him.

Roxas still could freshly remember the horror of not yet having the words to say _I’m gay_, not yet having the self awareness to ascribe that to himself, but then getting to see it in caricature over-dramaticness. Right there in the strip were all the signs and explicit obviousness that he was crushing on a fellow boy.

It had been horrible, even when that particular arc eventually had only resulted in a climax of him and Axel becoming inseparable friends. Then the comic went on to tease Roxas’ maybe crush, a will-they-won’t-they scenario, with the comic’s version of Xion. This was all before the college transition arcs set in, but -- Roxas remembered. And he’d been saying since then, _Don’t publish everything that happens in our lives_.

So here they were, years later, with the worst having happened. And sure, there were more awful ‘worsts’ than this, because at least Sora was accepted by the family that mattered -- and at least his father had been willing to apologize. All that didn’t mean the point didn’t still stand.

“Well, you still did it,” Roxas said haughtily, reaching for his discarded bags and re-shouldering them, stepping away from his mother’s reach as well. He was tired. He was going to his room to take a nap. Sora was sleepily watching him only half his face peeking out of the couch cushions, and at some point they were probably going to have a twin talk about this. “I don’t know if it’s necessarily enough that you’re sorry about it now. But happy anniversary or whatever.”

His father didn’t make a move to hug him or clap a hand on his shoulder or anything. But he smiled, small and relieved (and okay, not for no reason -- Roxas was going soft on him after all and they all knew it) and he said very graciously, “Thank you.”

(The twin talk, which happened later that night with Sora doing yoga stretches on Roxas’ floor while Roxas dug through his haphazardly packed luggage looking for his face wash, was very brief. This was because Sora said, with a quiet gravitas, a seriousness that he rarely employed, “I’m sorry this scares you so much. I get it. But don’t you know I’ve got your back too?”

And Roxas was so disarmed by that, by how true Sora’s assessment was and how guilty it made him feel -- that he was underhandedly making Sora’s problem about himself -- that for a long moment he couldn’t say anything back. Eventually, he managed a weak, “I’ll try to do better.”

And even though Sora laughed and waved him off, Roxas wanted to try and process this all better.)

* * *

Roxas managed to be less angry, but no less conflicted, by the time the afternoon before the party rolled around. Mostly, he just wasn’t thinking about the dilemma of his instinctive emotional reaction to a largely accidental mistake. It was summer time. He was a college student temporarily freed from the shackles of academia and higher education. He was going to focus on hanging out with his friends and making bad choices instead of what was possibly just him being dramatic and a tad bit selfish.

Xion, who was sitting crossed-leg in the wheeled chair in his bedroom and pushing herself back and forth from desk to wall and back again, was leveling him with a look that screamed _I can literally feel your avoidance tendencies resonating off you from here and I’m judging you_. But because she was his nicest friend, out loud she only said, “So, the party’s tonight, huh?”

Roxas sighed and looked up from the mobile game on his phone to squint at her. She didn’t deserve the same scrutiny she was doling out, because Roxas had to admit she wasn’t in the wrong for pointing it out. They were in fact procrastinating picking out what he was going to wear. None of them could find anything in the mess that was his packing (i.e. him and Sora throwing everything in their dorm into anywhere it would fit), and instead Olette and Pence were rifling through his closet and suitcase and pulling out clothes and accessories and posing facetiously with them. 

His friends were dumb, and he loved them fiercely. “The party’s tonight,” he repeated carefully, not sure what Xion was looking for in his reply. He tried to stay stoic, but sounded wary instead. “Yay?”

Xion spun away from the wall, drifting towards the desk, eyes tracking Roxas’ every move. “Excited? Think you’ll have fun? Making the... most... of it?”

There was accusation in her voice, and the dramatic pausing was generally unlike her. Roxas scrunched up his nose, because he now knew what this was, and he was unimpressed (he was embarrassed about his cowardice, actually, but whatever). “Wait, are you mad I didn’t ask Axel out?”

She hmphed. “I just don’t get it.”

What could Roxas do but shrug? “It wasn’t -- there’s a lot going on right now.” It sounded flimsy and pathetic to his own ears. “I’ll see him over the break, it’s fine.”

Hayner, laid out on his stomach on Roxas’ bed, offering applause for Olette and Pence’s more dramatic poses and occasionally miming holding a camera and taking pictures of them, made a noise of realization and looked towards Roxas and Xion’s stare off. “Ah hey. lighten up, dude. It _is_ gonna be fun,” Hayner’s smile turned sly, and he settled his chin into the palm of his hand. “ ‘Cuz, oh yeah, guess who’s invited?”

Roxas clutched his phone a little more tightly, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach. He decided to deflect, and said, “Who? Seifer?”

Hayner blushed a bit and rolled his eyes. “_God!_ Don’t be an ass.”

“That means yes,” Olette chimed in, doing an intensely over the top pose with one hand on her hip and one hand above her head, chin lifted imperiously and back arched in a backwards C.

“Yeah, as his _daaaaate_,” Pence added in teasing singsong, applauding Olette’s latest maneuvering.

“Nice,” Xion said quietly, almost to herself, spinning slowly back towards the wall. She had a way of joking like that, where it almost sounded like she wasn’t quite involved but you knew she was, was listening closely to every word and giving you the space to speak your mind, which Roxas often really enjoyed. It was a very quiet and lovingly supportive way of being kind and involved with the people you cared about.

Also, it was just super funny, to watch Hayner blush more deeply, suddenly flustered by the quiet intensity of a one word jibe. Hayner had a love-hate relationship with Seifer. They mocked each other incessantly. It was eerily similar to the way Seifer interacted with his on-again-off-again boyfriend, some skater guy with a face tattoo named Zell or something. Sometimes, Roxas wondered what that might mean, especially since Sora started walking him through how you could date more than one person and they didn’t even have to be dating each other, if that’s how you loved people.

But Hayner wasn’t even ready to actually admit he wanted to be on a date with Seifer, even as he currently, apparently had a date with Seifer, so Roxas wasn’t opening that can of worms. He just laughed, as Hayner stuttered and, tomato red, said, “What_ever_.” 

“Congrats,” Roxas told him, solemn even as he grinned at how flustered Hayner was getting.

Hayner scowled, pushing himself up onto his knees as if he needed more core engagement and height to really glare in full power. It did seem to add to the effect. He pointed menacingly at Roxas, and said, “Leave it. I wanted to say that it’s Axel who’s coming, jerks.”

...Well, this certainly was immediate karma. You reap what you sow, this was the pot calling the kettle black, throwing stones in glass houses, or some other idiomatic absurdity definitely ringing true. Roxas simply froze, brain screeching to a halt. “...What?”

Pence made an _ah_ sound, clipping a metal necklace on and shimmying in place to make it jingle. “Right right. Naminé’s bringing him.”

Roxas hadn’t seen Naminé yet, and she was not a text, social media, phone kind of girl. He loved her and her blow-in tendencies, but it did make keeping up with her and her life more difficult than with most. It was part of both the charm and the agony with her. “Wha -- are they _dating_?”

That seemed weird. That would _be_ weird, to live through and witness and experience. But he couldn’t say it’d be impossible. Maybe... But wouldn’t Axel have mentioned that? Wouldn’t _Naminé?_ But maybe it was a new development...

“I think it’s just as friends,” Olette said thoughtfully, tying one of Roxas’ button up shirt around Pence’s waist, to add to the shimmying effect, and then pretended to wolf whistle. “They hang out a lot at the library.”

Roxas didn’t know that. He knew Axel was here for college, and that Naminé was still here at home, taking a sort of gap year as she took online courses and worked and applied to universities abroad in Europe, but he didn’t realize they were friends. They hadn’t been close in high school, despite the common denominator of Roxas, and neither of them had mentioned the other since then. Or even _back_ then.

Roxas sat down heavily on the floor and leaned back against his dresser, which creaked ominously but held his weight without tipping over. He stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do with that information.”

“You should not freak over it, I think,” Xion advised him kindly. “Hey, where’s Sora?”

Roxas looked over to her, smiling vaguely. The way she was weirdly distant yet close with his twin was really interesting but also adorable to him. He didn't know why they interacted the way they did. He didn’t even have a way to explain their relationship and how it consisted of Xion ducking into whatever room Sora was in to say hi, with Sora brightly returning the greeting before carrying on a generally one-sided conversation about any and everything on his mind.

It worked though. Sora could coax life updates and little thoughts about this and that out of Xion, and she would quietly listen and nod a lot in rapt attention of Sora’s rambling, encouraging him on. Then, she eventually would say a shy bye and flee as Sora energetically told her bye back. It was a very fond and organic way to interact and it worked for them. It always made Roxas really happy to watch, because somehow they were really good for each other. Their energies played off each other really well. 

“He’s out with his soulmates,” Roxas explained with an apologetic wave of his hand. Xion nodded in understanding, while Roxas snorted to himself. “They’re probably staring into each other’s eyes and crying as we speak. And also picking out matching outfits.”

“They picked out their clothes and complimentary accents two weeks ago,” Pence corrected him offhandedly, crouching to steal Roxas’ phone and beginning to fiddle with it. He was probably continuing the mobile game where Roxas had left off with it. “Everyone’s not a huge slacker like you, my friend.”

“Speaking of, we gotta start picking out your duds,” Hayner said cracking his knuckles and then, pulling his shoulders down and back and stretching from side to side, cracking his back as well. “Because we don’t live here and have to go home to change at some point.”

Olette held up a bow tie that was black with rainbow polka dots. Roxas did not remember acquiring this bow tie, never mind packing it. “Huh?” She offered in a voice that she must have pictured as enticing, but really came off as peer pressure wrapped up neatly in her unbridled glee. “Huuuuh?”

“I’m not wearing polka dots,” Roxas told her flatly. “You wear it, if you like it so much.”

He honestly was offering, because she looked way too into the bow tie for her to not actually want it. Olette clearly understood his intention, because she started studying it thoroughly, before pocketing it with a nod.

Xion pulled a face, unamused but also mildly confused, “Wait, let me get this straight -- checkered patterns, okay. Stripes and plaid, okay. Polka dots?”

Roxas stuck his tongue out at her, as if to say _blech!_, though it was somewhat in jest. “Not okay, even under threat of death.”

She laughed, and he did too, even when Olette un-pocketed the bow simply to throw it in his face and hit him in the eye. It wasn’t long before all five of them were laughing, perhaps at how silly it all was. Roxas loved his friends.

* * *

The party was nice. Everyone was dressed up and looked great, and he was getting to see people he hadn’t reached out to in a while. Like his and Sora’s twin cousins, Ventus and Vanitas. Like the older kids who’d been in high school when they were in elementary school, the ones who sometimes babysat them back then -- Leon and Cloud and Yuffie and the rest. 

The music was decent, the house was well decorated, and it was cool to not have to worry about noise complaints or classes or if everything was going to suddenly start smelling like weed because someone was hotboxing the communal bathroom at the end of the hall and it was crossfading. Also, it was just nice to be back home. Roxas took in the atmosphere around him.

Sora was wearing a crimson red suit, while Kairi was in rose pink, and Riku in royal blue -- it was the same androgynous style of suit, and they each had on a matching lavallière-type bow tie that was more lacey bow than bow tie. The bow was a beautiful deep golden yellow that was maybe clashing on Sora and Kairi but was doing alright for Riku. They definitely looked like a set though, so it still looked good, clashing or not.

_They_ looked good -- all happy and attached at the hip. Right now, as Roxas watched them sit on a couch in the living room, Kairi was trying to throw tiny water crackers into Sora’s mouth and Sora was goading her on in between throws, as Riku watched them, an arm wrapped around both of their waists, though he occasionally made a sly comment and reached up to brush crumbs off all three of their colorful lapels.

He was glad they were so at ease. If it were Roxas in their position, he’d more on edge -- and right right, he was supposed to be less selfish and not make being outed about him. Roxas tried to distract himself by glancing around at the rest of the guests.

His eyes were drawn to and lingered over where Naminé was wearing some strappy yet flowy champagne colored dress. Beside her was Axel in a ruby red dress shirt and black cigarette pants with tiny pinpricks of white on them. Like starlight, had been Roxas’ first thought when he initially saw Axel at the start of the party. He’d shared the thought with Xion. 

“Or like polka dots,” Xion had said in contradiction, smiling traitorously at him before slinking off to say hello to Axel and Naminé, leaving a starstruck and nervous Roxas on the other side of the room. 

It’d been a while since Axel showed up, and Roxas still hadn’t gone to say hi yet. He was building up to it. He was...

Well, he was as uncomfortable as he was nervous. Even with no one (who shouldn’t) knowing anything about him and his crush on Axel, this was uncomfortable. There’d already been an aunt who had taken Roxas aside and discussed how she certainly hoped he wasn’t going to be as inappropriate as his brother whenever it was he started dating. Vanitas had already cracked a joke to him about how _‘Being greedy in love must run in the family, huh?’_ \-- though based on how Ventus started blushing and pretending to choke Vanitas out (who hammed it up for a solid 4 minutes that culminated in a loud pretend death that had Roxas’ mom sending them death glares to make them shut up) it had been more a veiled thing at Ventus than at Sora or his partners, or even intending to imply that Roxas might do the same as his twin.

The party was nice, but the circumstances ongoing within their family were lowkey stressing Roxas out.

Apparently, it showed, because next thing Roxas knew, Aqua was sidling up next to him, saying, “So.” It was only a word, but it felt like it held so many possibilities. Roxas wasn’t particularly close to Aqua, but she was Ventus’ friend -- or maybe something else, maybe one of the reasons for Vanitas’ teasing. Roxas _had_ seen Ventus and Aqua holding hands five minutes ago while talking, fingers interlaced.

Maybe they’d been talking about him -- Aqua was trustworthy and nice, but he and her weren’t extraordinarily close. Usually they didn’t talk, at least not one on one, and Roxas noticed Ventus was nowhere to be seen. Did his cousin sic her on him? If so, what for?

He decided to keep it simple. “So?” he repeated after her, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Sora mentioned to Ven that you’re pining,” she said lightly. “And Sora wants to intervene and help you, but he doesn’t want to stress you out.” She brandished out a hand, as if presenting something. “And then Ven told me. So now I know.”

Roxas squinted at her. “Are you supposed to be telling me this?”

“Probably not, no,” she replied easily, a half smile on her face. “But Ven went to get Terra -- dummy got lost driving here -- and I inherit his older cousin duties when he’s gone.” She tilted her head a little, pursing her mouth as she inspected his face. “And you look a little miserable.”

So she wanted to cheer him up? This was a little bizarre. Roxas ran a hand through his hair, reveling in the upside of his and Sora’s inherited untameable spikes: if you couldn’t style them, you also couldn’t really ever muss them up. “I’m fine.”

She looked briefly but immediately across the room, line of sight perfectly landing on Axel, who was talking to Roxas’ dad, fancy plastic cup in hand. He was gesturing dangerously often with that same hand. He was probably going to splash sparkling cider all over the floor before the night was done.

Aqua looked back to Roxas and she crossed her arms as she continued to study him. “Are you? Well, you’ve been staring at that guy all night, looking like you want to talk to him, but can’t. Don’t know if I’d call that fine.” Then, out of nowhere, her eyes softened. Her whole expression softened. “I don’t know a lot about the situation, but is this your first queer experience?”

Roxas gripped his drink a little more tightly, eyes shutting for a moment as he regained his footing of where this conversation was going to go. Because whoa, alright, what a question. And because -- well, no but also yes: this was technically his first time in redux, in belated replay, in repeat and retry. 

Also, Roxas was a little touched. Aqua was very kind, and she clearly meant well. She was just trying to check on him without pushing too much. He kind of appreciated that, when the Sora thing, when the dad thing, was all so... supposed to be a non-issue already. When Roxas was feeling like the crazy one for being the only one to continue making it a big deal. It still felt like a big deal. 

(It had never stopped feeling like a big deal, ever since high school and Roxas’ own personal mortification at himself -- even if he was the only one who recognized what it was he was seeing reflected back at him.)

“I’m not having a gay panic attack, if that’s what you're asking,” Roxas told her with a small laugh, lifting his cup to his lips and taking a sip meant more to stall than because he wanted more punch. His thoughts still weren’t together, so he said, “I just. Feel weird about it, being open about that here you know?”

Roxas didn’t want to get into how much he liked Axel, and how weird it was to be in this in-between place with him, a self-imposed gorge that Roxas was afraid to cross on his own. Roxas had always felt too much too fast with Axel, and some how that ended up with them moving nowhere at all in all these years.

“Here?” Aqua prompted, looking around briefly, the corners of her mouth turning down slightly. “You mean with your family and your parents’ friends? People who knew you when you were little and might feel like they have some strange say about what you do with your life?” At Roxas’ amazed stare she raised her cup in a mocking toast and this time her laugh was tinged with rue. “The three of us had an incident with Terra’s family at a cookout. So I get it.” 

Roxas nodded slowly, knowing she understood. And she was implicitly letting him in on something -- saying _‘the three of us’_. It was a show of trust and of companionship. He really appreciated it. It made it easy to talk about things, when she got it so simply and was a blank slate, letting him say things without contesting them.

“I’m -- obviously our family’s inner circle isn’t brimming with homophobes, but I still feel kind of watched,” he said. With a little _ah-hah_, Roxas gestured between the two of them. “I mean. Sora to Ventus to you. I _am_ being watched, kind of.”

Humming, Aqua took a sip of her own drink and observed him calmly. “You want to stop talking about this, then?”

“No, I -- ” He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to talk to Axel. He didn’t want to talk to him in front of a possible audience. Some of that wasn’t ‘being outed’ related -- he was private. He’d been private as a kid -- hence his early discomfort with his dad’s strip -- and with the way his extended family was, their New England stock tendency for unnecessary comments and opinions and rampant nosiness, he just didn’t want to hear it. Not now or later -- not a _‘Oh, I knew they were going to start dating, I saw them get along at his parents’ anniversary party,’_ and definitely not a _‘Shouldn’t there be some worry, that both those boys have turned out, well, *like that* -- not that there’s anything wrong with it, but what about grandchildren?’_.

He just didn’t want to hear it. He wanted it to be his own thing, to try and to succeed or to fail at. He wanted to have the peace and ability to let whatever was going to happen, happen. He wanted to stop overthinking it, and that was really hard right here and now.

“I just. Don’t want it to be a thing,” Roxas finally settled on to say. “Also, how the hell do you gay flirt?”

She laughed and reached over to ruffle his hair and he let her; they felt closer now, and he didn’t mind the show of affection. “The same way you normal flirt,” she said fondly. “Which is to say, badly. There’s no such thing as good flirting, so it depends on if the person finds it cute or not. Mostly, it’s just about talking to them. And you can always go somewhere a little more secluded, if it’s the family and being watched that bothers you.” 

“...Huh.” Roxas pondered over that. Maybe he could ask Axel to go into the kitchen for a drink. Or maybe outside on the porch, or...

He watched as Aqua’s eyes drifted away from him and she brightened notably, and he followed her gaze to the living room entrance. There, towering over most of the crowd was Terra, handsome and muscular as ever. Pressed up against his broad side was Ventus, chattering away to him as he guided Terra through the crowd towards Roxas’ parents.

They really were together then, the three of them. There was something inspirational about that. “That’s a good idea, Aqua,” Roxas told her, lifting his cup in cheers.

She looked back at him, attention recaptured. Clearly amused by his offer of a toast, she raised her cup in return. “To gay panic attacks?” she suggested wryly.

“That wasn’t what -- ugh,” he rolled his eyes, but honestly he was thinking that Aqua was pretty cool and funny. And she had a point: that wasn’t what it _wasn’t_. “Fine, okay, to gay panic attacks and bad flirting.”

They clinked their artisanal plastic cups together and shared a smile. It was a good moment.


	2. Disaster

Roxas didn’t get a chance to figure out how to corner Axel, because Axel -- with Xion in tow -- did it first. 

Roxas was still planning things out in his head, trying to figure out a way to casually walk up to Axel and say something -- he didn’t know, cool, calm, not fucking _crazy_ \-- when his mom asked him to go in the kitchen and get the extra cheese platter from the fridge. “I’ve already got Sora taking the empty one out to the trash,” she said sternly, letting him know this wasn’t a request but a chore he was most definitely tasked with.

It wasn’t completely unwelcomed. “Fine,” he said, trudging off to the kitchen, a little happy to have a distraction from his inner turmoil. Because what the hell was he going to say to Axel _now_, when he’d been standoffish for half the party? It was going to inherently be a bigger deal than it had to be because of that. Because he was most definitely acting weird, and Axel was going to notice.

So, instead of having to think about any of that, he just went in the kitchen and started rummaging through the fridge for the back appetizer platters. He’d only just managed to hip check the fridge door closed, cheese plate in hand, when he heard a sly, familiar voice say, “Hey Roxas.”

Roxas, in the middle of turning around already, jumped in surprise and then watched in horror as the plastic platter tipped out of his hands. Across from him, Axel -- and Xion, he noted briefly -- both yelped and dove for it. They collided heads with each other and hissed out different muttered swears from the pain as the plate finished upending onto the floor, cheese cubes and fancy meats splattering across the floor.

“...Ah.” Roxas said slowly, surveying the mess, unsure how to react. He looked to Xion and Axel, who stared back with wide eyes, their hands still cradling their own heads.

“...Smooth,” Xion whispered, and Roxas and Axel both snorted out a stifled if not inappropriate laugh. There was a fraught silence between them that followed. The three of them shared another long stare-off in that silence, and then they all burst out laughing. 

Roxas didn’t really think this was as funny as they were making it -- but wasn’t it? It was just so _dumb_. All of it -- his own previous freak out too. He had to prop himself up against the refrigerator he was laughing so hard, and when he managed to look at Axel and Xion, he saw Xion had her arms curled around her middle and Axel was bracing his hands against his thighs. They were all a mess.

“S-sorry,” Axel eventually managed around a gasping breath. “I just wanted to say hi.”

“By accosting me in the kitchen?” Roxas accused lightly, wiping away tears brought on by laughter. “God, weirdo, hi.”

Axel crouched down and gently peeled up the platter from face down on the floor. It was quite obviously unsalvageable. “Argh, sorry... Is this gonna ruin the party?”

Roxas and Xion crouched too, both starting to pick up the cold cuts off the floor. Roxas could only shrug, feeling no urgency about the status of appetizers for the party. “Nah, we’ve got back up plates of every appetizer known to man in the fridge. There’s a fridge in the basement too, and that’s got stuff in it too, I think.”

“Oh?” Xion said, dumping a handful of cheese onto the remains of the platter and standing to open and peer into the fridge. “I see a vegetable tray and a bread and fondue thing.”

“The fondue has to be heated up in the oven first,” Roxas explained, then blinked in surprise when his and Axel’s hands brushed each other’s briefly on the way to different cheese cubes.

He felt a heavy gaze on him, and looked up to see Axel staring at him in an intense way that wasn’t wholly unfamiliar. But Roxas had never known what to do with the weight of Axel’s gaze, so he shuddered and looked back down, dumping more of the mess on the ruined platter. “I gotta go tell my mom. I guess everyone’s getting more carrots and celery and watermelon.”

“It’s wrapped in prosciutto,” Xion offered hopefully. “If that helps?”

“Man, I’m so sorry,” Axel murmured softly, and Roxas wondered how an apology about ruined cheese could sound so personal and intimate. Axel was always like that, saying everyday things in these ways that made Roxas feel like his heart was about to melt right out of his chest. 

Was he ever _actually_ saying things in a certain weirdly amazing tone, or was that just Roxas? Geez, he couldn’t believe he was back in high school. Every time Roxas talked to Axel, especially in person, he felt like he was in high school again, young and dumb and too-clumsy and not quite fitting in his own body.

Trying to work past that, Roxas focused on the issue at hand. “It’s fine,” Roxas said, brushing off his hands and studying the little flakes of cheese shavings that sprinkled down. “It’s not like people actually care, and once dessert goes out -- ”

Xion sidestepped around Roxas and squeezed his arm for a second as she passed. She did the same to Axel as she strode past him as well. “I’ll tell your mom, Roxas. Go check the basement fridge?”

Axel stood as well, picking up the platter as he did so, before sliding it onto the kitchen counter. He grimaced at it, then beamed at Xion. “Oh, maybe we can just set out desserts early! Is that what you’re thinking, Xion?”

Xion shrugged, crossing her arms and looking specifically at Roxas, eyes blazing with hidden meanings. “I’m thinking I don’t know what’s in the basement fridge, and you should check it out.”

Roxas was trying very hard not to blush, because he knew what Xion was trying to do. And he wasn’t going to do it, he wasn’t going to ask Axel to -- 

“Huh,” Axel said thoughtfully, looking over to Roxas with a quirked eyebrow and a silly sort of self-demoralizing grin in place. “Think I can tag along? I can help carry whatever.”

Roxas cleared his throat, glared at Xion (who shot a victory peace sign at him), and shrugged, trying to appear unaffected. “Uh. Sure. Come on.”

* * *

The basement fridge only had dessert platters -- two different cheesecake varieties, and a fruit and chocolate platter as well. Then, the freezer proved to have mini novelty ice creams. “My parents went overboard with the catering,” Roxas grumbled, choosing the cheesecake platters. “Well, this is better than nothing.”

“Nice,” Axel commented, holding one platter as Roxas got a good grip on the other. “Very cheese-adjacent.”

Roxas blew his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah, I guess.” His insides felt antsy. Axel was being nice and wasn’t saying anything about their past or how they’d been talking over text and social media and all that and sort of flirting. Or how Roxas hadn’t invited him to the party, hadn’t even told him about it or that he’d be back in town early and then spent most of said party avoiding him. There were a lot of choice things Axel very much could have said about any of that.

The many ways Roxas had already messed up were eating him up inside, and Axel was being as laidback as ever. Maybe he didn’t care? But just thinking that kind of hurt and Roxas didn’t like entertaining the thought. A more relieving idea was how Axel was always trying to make Roxas feel better about stuff, so maybe...

Roxas thought back to Aqua and their chat. Thought to Sora and Riku and Kairi, wearing matching suits and feeding each other tiny quiches and dancing on the dance floor out in the backyard at the first chance of a slow song. Roxas’ heart really _was_ going to melt out of his chest, watching Axel smile at him and nod towards the stairs, saying softly, “Ready to head back up?”

He wasn’t going to let Axel let _him_ chicken out of even just the first step. He had to try, or else this really was just high school all over again. “Axel, wait,” Roxas said, his voice eking out of him in a squeaky little whisper. “I -- Axel, I’m.” 

...What? Where was he going with that? ‘I’m’ what? ‘In love with you’? Way too heavy. ‘I’m sorry’? Well, maybe -- 

“I,” Roxas stuttered, breaking eye contact with Axel. Axel, who was watching him with a little surprise and a little satisfaction in his expression. What did _that_ mean? God. “I just. We’ve. Known each other for a while. And. We’ve been talking. And. Well, tonight, I mean...” What? What was Roxas trying to say? He stared up at the ceiling, slightly hoping for it to cave in and crush him, putting him out of his misery.

“You know, Roxas,” Axel said quietly, and Roxas stared resolutely at the darkened basement ceiling, face blazing. This didn’t seem to faze Axel, who went on. “I like you.”

Roxas scoffed. “I mean, yeah, we were friends in high school, I already figured -- ”

“No, I mean I really like you,” Axel cut in quietly, and Roxas whipped his head down to stare, wide eyed at Axel. Axel was smiling that semi self-conscious smile again, and Roxas knew suddenly that if Axel’s hands were free, he’d be scratching at the back of his head sheepishly. 

“I mean,” here Axel laughed, short and brusque, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I probably liked you in high school, I think. I don’t know, high school’s weird. But definitely -- definitely, when we bumped into each other at the store last summer and, and we talked? And since we’ve been talking? Dude, Roxas, I like you _so_ much.”

Roxas blinked furiously, and felt his fingers tighten on the dessert platter, almost like a defense mechanism for how light headed he was going, dizzy with disbelief and joy. “I -- did you just call me ‘dude’ while confessing to me -- ”

Axel laughed again, less burdened and more just purely Axel. “Sorry. That a dealbreaker?”

“I -- ” Roxas made himself stop, and breathed out slowly. He still didn’t want to do this here and now, at his parents’ party surrounded by too many people who were nosey and primed to be annoying about this. But right now, hidden away from all those people -- really, who the hell cared? “No, of course it’s not, I -- I’ve liked you for forever, too. And... wow, we’re stupid.”

Axel sucked in a quick breath and Roxas realized he was more nervous than he was letting on. Axel was always a lot more sensitive than he ever liked to let on, but Roxas already knew that. “Really?” Axel asked softly. “You like me?”

Roxas laughed a little and gently bumped their food trays together, best he could do when they both had their hands full. “_Dude_, I _like_-like you.”

Axel groaned and rolled his eyes. “Okay, I get it.”

It was Roxas’ turn to nod towards the stairs. “Let’s go drop these off, get fussed at by my mom for ruining the food schedule, and then go, I don’t know, somewhere.”

Axel raised both eyebrows this time. “Somewhere?”

Roxas suddenly had an idea. “Yeah, somewhere.”

* * *

His dad’s study was this intricate artsy thing, a front room with big beautiful windows draped with beautiful lace curtains, and all sorts of gorgeous dark wood for the floor and window panes and bookcase and, most impressively, the big ornate desk. When Roxas and Sora had been little, Roxas had loved this room the most, because it was beautiful and the ceiling felt higher up than anywhere else in the house. Roxas had always felt calm in here. Sora had felt like the study was scary.

Older, and still a little angry at his dad, the study didn’t seem so mystical. But it was still beautiful and calm, and most definitely untouched by the party.

“Oh wow, here’s where the magic happens?” Axel teased a little, tracing lithe fingers along the edge of the big desk and its intricate tiny carven decorative detail.

“Please don’t,” Roxas mumbled, not sure how to feel about that. He was still standing by the door he’d shut behind him, watching Axel walk through the room. He was graceful like a cat, too-long limbs and pointed features and interesting to watch. The study had been off limits to friends when they were kids, so Axel had never been in here and his intrigue was understandable. The room did have a certain impressive quality to it, especially when it’d been forbidden back when they were younger. Axel had been over often enough to wonder about what lay behind the closed door. Well, roxas thought somewhat bitterly, here it was.

“Are you saying that because it’s annoying for me to say that, or are you saying it because you’re upset with your dad?” Axel asked, more blithely than maybe someone should say such a thing, which was typical Axel style. He leaned against the desk and stared at Roxas. There was no judgement in his gaze, only muted curiosity.

“Uhhhh, shit, my dad, I guess,” Roxas said, then felt grimy over it. “Or, I don’t know, I think I was just saying something to say something.”

Axel scratched at his chin idly. “Huh. Well, should we talk about that? Or did you just bring me up here to -- ” He dramatically pretended to splay against the desk behind him. “_Ravish me_?”

Roxas scoffed and crept further into the room, feeling drawn to Axel like an inevitability. “God, you’re stupid. Why do I like you?”

“Who knows?” Axel said. There was a certainty in his voice -- he wasn’t worried about Roxas not really liking him, or stopping any time soon. It was a good call -- he really _didn’t_ need to worry about that happening.

Soon, they were side by side, both leaning against the desk. There was a comfortable silence that floated between them for a while. Far off in the distance, Roxas could hear the music and chatter from the party downstairs.

“I’m the only one mad at him, and I feel stupid about it,” Roxas said, words spilling forth like a dam bursting. He wasn’t sure if Axel had been serious and actually wanted to listen to him whine about this, but he’d offered. It’d been a joke, but the thing about Axel was he didn’t joke-offer things he wasn’t prepared to take people up on, for better or for worse. 

“My dad, I mean,” Roxas remembered to clarify as he continued. “I’m mad at him. And it’s sort of not a big deal, I get that. Everyone who matters has been pretty calm about it. And my dad didn’t completely understand the concept of outing people -- or somehow _still_ doesn’t get that most people around here know _exactly_ who every character in his strip really is in real life... but like. I don’t know. I’m still mad, a little bit.”

“And you feel scummy about it?” Axel asked carefully. He was inching his hand over closer to Roxas’ hand on the desk, until he nudged his pinky against Roxas’ littlest finger.

Roxas nudged his finger back, ruefully smiling to himself. “Yeah. Or about how I’m sort of annoyed that nothing big happened so he really understands. Some of the family’s been underhanded shitty about it, but otherwise it’s mostly okay. And that’s _so_ scummy of me.”

Axel lifted his littlest finger and gently stroked Roxas’ with it, before letting it rest between Roxas’ fourth and fifth finger, nearly linking their pinkies. There was the suggestion of it, like he was waiting for Roxas to take him up on it, if he wanted to. “Nah, I get it. It’s not like you want something awful to happen. It’s more that you... think your dad still doesn’t get that something awful _could_ have happened.”

Roxas tilted his head up to look at Axel. Axel’s eyes, softened by his gentle smile, where glittering emeralds in the ambient golden lamplight of the study. Or maybe Roxas was just in love right now -- because Axel got it. Even more than Aqua did, he got it, and he was willing to sit here and listen and he was beautiful and wonderful and Roxas was in love with him.

Roxas felt like his chest was full of too many emotions, and he linked their pinkies together, shooting Axel a small smile of his own. “Yeah, all that. But... I’m glad you came. Even if I -- didn’t ask because -- well. I’m sorry about not inviting you. Or telling you, or anything.”

Axel tilted his head more angled down towards Roxas, as if about to whisper him a secret. As if, maybe, just maybe, eventually he’d lean in for a kiss. “Nah, I get it. You had the family drama. And anyway, who wants to deal with the third degree, ‘Are you dating that boy you invited?’ questioning at a party? And if Naminé hadn’t asked me, Xion would have.” He winked, only a little irritatingly smug. “So, I always had an in. It’s fine.”

“Shut up,” Roxas said automatically. He was rolling his eyes and acting slightly annoyed, but he could feel himself leaning in a little more. Maybe... maybe ‘eventually’ was a lot sooner than he was thinking it was. “Still, I wish I asked you.”

Axel was leaning in too. That wasn’t Roxas’ imagination, he _was_, and Roxas’ eyes were focused on Axel’s lips (getting closer... and closer...) as he said, “Doesn’t change that I like you.”

\-- And then there was a tremendous crashing sound of glass shattering.

Roxas and Axel broke apart from each other, jumping back and away and to their feet, both wildly searching for the source of the noise. Roxas turned wild eyes to the window first, because glass meant -- 

There was a gaping jagged hole in the window. Roxas blinked, his gaze landing on what had broken the glass, and found that it was a giant rock.

Roxas stared at the huge rock that had sailed through the window, that had broken the serenity of the study. That had disrupted their maybe kiss, their definite moment of connecting. Had interrupted Roxas thinking, _‘Oh, we’re meeting halfway. All this time, we’ve been going at our own pace. But here it comes.’_

Axel caught sight of the rock too. “What the -- ” He was instantly at the window, trying to peer into the darkness. “Who the heck throws a -- a boulder? Did some idiot high schoolers get drunk?”

But unfortunately, right now, Roxas couldn’t totally hear and take in what Axel was saying. He was still staring at the rock. It was three times the size of Roxas’ head. It was huge and probably from some rock quarry, and it had angry red paint spelling out insults and slurs on it. So that’s what this was about. See, and this was -- exactly why -- but then again, hadn’t Roxas spoken this into existence just now -- ?

Axel was stepping back from the window and eyeing the jagged hole in the glass, his shoes crunching on the shards underfoot. All of this, Roxas could only take in superficially, feeling oddly disconnected from himself.

“Well, we can use a bag or plastic wrap and some tape to hold this over until Monday... I guess we should get a broom?” Axel turned around, laughing awkwardly. “Man, what a buzzkill -- Roxas?” Now that Axel was looking at him, the smile and the jokes slid off him, and in its place was concern. “Hey, sorry, are you okay?”

Roxas stared back down at the rock, tension climbing up his spine. Logically, this was simple: file a police report, and keep a lookout for suspicious activity. Their dad’s job had occasionally gotten backlash for things here and there, so it wasn’t like this was completely unfamiliar. In fact, it was like the time he’d touched on sex ed in their household and the way their mom joked offhandedly about premarital sex sometimes. It became a punchline in the strip, and some people hadn’t liked it for this reason or for that reason. It’d been a situation.

So, with this sort of response, this rock proclaiming anger and hate, it would be the same event. The strip would continue, and if there was any residual drama to be had, it’d most likely happen in the first month or two. Any follow up incidents would also get a report, a follow up, and maybe a statement in the paper about socially unacceptable intolerance. This wasn’t a conservative town, but it had its streaks and its people. Everyone didn’t think the same. This wasn’t new. Roxas knew how this would go.

“Don’t touch the rock,” Roxas said flatly, brain flipping through the correct course of action to hold onto. He suddenly had a contrary urge to pick up the rock, walk downstairs with it, and drop it in his dad’s lap, as if to say _‘See?’_ as angrily yet silently as possible. But the bad thing Roxas had wanted and not wanted to happen had, indeed, happened. There was no point in being petty and mean on top of that. “I have to tell my parents and call the police. They’ll probably check for fingerprints.”

By now Axel had either taken note of Roxas’ demeanor or the words painted on the rock. Whichever it was, he was somber and poised. Careful, as he said, “Okay, why don’t we go together? And Roxas?”

Roxas felt Axel’s hand slip into his own and squeeze tightly. His touch was warm and kind and caring. “Hey, Roxas, can you look at me?”

Roxas blinked and looked up from the rock. Axel’s striking green eyes were piercing but gentle. “Let’s breathe for a second,” Axel murmured. “Wanna do that with me?”

Roxas -- feeling like he was sliding back in body, feeling a little more grounded through Axel’s touch and his concern -- twitched a bit, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Well, don’t condescend to me.”

“God, I forgot you bristle at the mere hint of being bossed around,” Axel softly teased. He tugged on Roxas’ hand. “Please, for me, can we do some deep meditative breathing before reporting a hate crime on your parents’ anniversary?”

Roxas smiled lopsidedly, because it was funny and not funny. Axel’s sense of humor was good at putting a spin on darker things like this. It was better than stewing in the bad parts of what was happening. “Fine. Lead the deep breathing, then.”

Axel squeezed his hand again and leaned in so close that their foreheads where almost touching. “Will do, stud.” Roxas blushed, because what kind of nickname was that? 

But it was very Axel -- teasing, a bit inappropriate and over the top, somewhat a joke but still felt affectionate. Roxas didn’t mind so much, if he thought about it. He tilted his head in the rest of the way to touch their foreheads together, gaze remaining locked on one another’s, blue meeting green. “Okay,” he said simply, trusting Axel with everything for a moment and just letting go.

Axel nuzzled his forehead against Roxas’ for a split moment, then said, “Alright. Breath in through your nose for one, two, three, four...”

* * *

The party was cut short in order to call the police. Roxas missed most of the process of announcing what was going on and ushering people out, since he and Axel had to give eyewitness accounts to the officers. By the time Roxas rejoined everyone, things were well underway, people leaving or organizing rides and saying condolences mixed with final congratulations mixed with reluctant farewells.

Roxas felt weirdly responsible for this. Maybe it was because he was the one who had to break the news to his parents. Or maybe it was because he and Axel had the light on in the study, which had been an easy target and a beacon call to whoever threw the rock. Or maybe it was because he felt like he had foretold this, and yet done nothing to stop it from coming true. Not that he really could have, but still.

Roxas didn’t know specifically why he felt guilty. But he knew that Sora looked defeated. That Riku looked frustrated and Kairi livid. That Dad looked distraught and Mom looked tired -- and in all that Roxas couldn’t find it in himself to be angry or upset. Instead, he was like his mom -- he was just tired too.

“A bunch of us are doing brunch tomorrow,” Naminé told Roxas in her usual unimposing soft voice as she hugged him goodbye. Roxas tried to focus on her words, and the way she was staring up at him with bright sincere eyes.

There was an underlying fierceness in her gaze as well, and she said, “Okay, Roxas? Because this is awful, but that’s on whoever did this. They’ll catch that person. And we’re going to have brunch.”

Roxas swallowed thickly and nodded along. “Got it. Brunch.” He figured Sora was probably feeling just as guilty as Roxas, if not more -- they didn’t share the most obvious of traits despite being twins, but they certainly shared a self-blaming gene. Roxas needed to get it together in case Sora needed comforting.

Naminé needed to go catch her ride home with Leon (or Cloud or Terra or Aqua, all who were giving people rides), but she lingered, stubbornly pouting at him. “You promise you’ll come, right?”

He swallowed again, not able to find his voice with her being so sweet, and nodded once more. Naminé brought him in for a second hug, no hesitation, and rocked him back and forth for several long moments. “Good. Make sure you check your messages for once, or at least let Sora bully you awake before noon. Sorry things got awful.”

Roxas hugged her back even more tightly this time. “No, it’s not your fault. Get home safe. See you tomorrow. For brunch, I guess.”

Naminé waved goodbye to Axel as well as she left, and he managed to muss up her hair on her way out the door. Axel was still there, hovering, even though most guests who weren’t family had already left. He’d clearly just let Naminé take a ride home with someone else despite how they’d come together. Roxas didn’t know if they’d talked about that or if Naminé had made the decision on her own. He’d ask her tomorrow at brunch, probably.

Still, Roxas left Axel hanging by the front door for a little while longer. For now, he wanted to check in with Sora -- who somehow managed to convince Riku and Kairi to go home instead of lingering, too.

Now, in the lull where mostly everyone was gone, where his parents were preoccupied with his aunts and uncles and the lone police officer still here going over the final details of the report and investigation procedures -- now, Roxas just wanted a moment with his twin.

“I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay,” Roxas said quietly to Sora as he wrapped him up in a hug and tucked his face against Sora’s neck. “That’d be stupid.”

“I don’t believe in stupid questions,” Sora argued back softly, practically an elementary school teacher already, through and through. The degree was just going to be a formality, as far as Roxas was concerned.

“Well, I believe in it twice as much, enough for the both of us,” Roxas assured him, pulling back just to smack a big wet kiss on his cheek, making Sora squeak and fake trying to squirm away. But Sora was the more tactile one, and he’d never truly turn down a hug. This was no different.

“I’m okay,” Sora said, answering the unasked question anyway. “Obviously this sucks because, you know. It’s about me and Riku and then kind of ignores Kairi.” Sora hummed bemusedly. “Or wait, is she the slut or am I? I can’t tell.” He was talking about some of the words written on the rock. Sora was trying to find the humor in all this, and that was brave of him, but he didn’t have to do that.

“Neither,” Roxas returned easily, voice firm. “That stuff’s a bunch of bullshit. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this, enjoy our summer, and go back to school and eventually graduate. And then you three can move away to California and live on some hippie commune or something.”

Sora snorted, and returned the favor of giving out big sloppy kisses on the cheek by peppering Roxas’ face with a bunch of them. “Thanks, Roxas.”

Roxas laughingly groaned. He pulled back and held Sora at arm’s length, eyes sweeping over him. He was no longer quite as downtrodden-looking -- but just as much their mother’s son as Roxas, he now looked just as tired. Just seriously exhausted, which was rare on Sora.

Roxas frowned, making a sound of disapproval. “I can’t believe Riku and Kairi believed whatever absurd thing you told them and left.”

Sora rolled his eyes and leaned in to whisper, “That’s because we’re sneaking out to meet at the secret place. Duh.”

Roxas rolled his eyes right back at him, but thought, yeah. Yeah, that made more sense. “Whatever. Have fun, use protection, make sure Riku knows you deserve to be spoiled. Kairi’s not hopeless like him, so I know I don’t have to worry about her.”

“Don’t be gross _and_ mean at the same time,” Sora said, but he was barely stifling little hiccups of laughter. He cleared his throat, and looked meaningfully over Roxas’ shoulder. Roxas followed his gaze, and then they were both staring at Axel, still standing patiently by the door and clearly waiting for Roxas.

“You gonna sneak out too?” Sora asked curiously. It made sense, since Roxas didn’t usually do that. Didn’t usually have possible boyfriends to sneak around with in the first place.

Things were maybe about to change on that front. Roxas shrugged, or tried to best he could while still wrapped up in Sora’s arms. “Not really sneak out, but... Yeah, I think we’re gonna... I don’t know.”

Sora hooked a chin over Roxas’ shoulder. There was a grin evident in his voice, even if Roxas couldn’t see it. “Go have an adventure?”

Roxas snorted and shrugged, this time intentionally to dislodge Sora, who squawked and flailed dramatically about it but pulled away. Roxas playfully elbowed him, and said, “Yeah yeah, I guess.”

“Then what are you waiting for!” Sora said, making shooing motions with his hands. “Go have fun, you crazy kids!”

Roxas huffed exasperatedly at him, but figured he could listen to his brother. Sora was doing okay. He was meeting up with Kairi and Riku later. And with Roxas and Sora, they both always knew they had each other’s backs. Things were going to be alright.

As Roxas walked back over to Axel, Axel lifted his chin in a beckoning motion, eyes crinkling with fondness. “Ready to get out of here?”

Roxas smiled a little, and ducked his head to hide it. There was relief rushing through him, that he wasn’t wrong about Axel waiting for him, no matter how obvious it was that of course Axel was here just for him. That was because Roxas, at his heart, was a naysayer.

But what did it matter, when Axel seemed constantly ready to prove him wrong? “Yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

They just drove around aimlessly, not trying to go anywhere. Axel put on some weird playlist full of artists and songs Roxas didn’t recognize but thought sounded interesting. He occasionally looked over at Axel, watching him bob his head to the beat as they drove. This was... laidback. Felt like something out of a fever dream or movie. It wasn’t going to last forever, nor was it what Roxas was going to want for forever -- but it was good, for now at least.

“Any destination requests?” Axel asked, slowing at a red light, looking both ways down the deserted streets. The traffic light cast a strange red glow into the car, coloring the world strangely.

Roxas felt weirdly vibrant in his own skin. Unfounded excitement was creeping into him. “No? Or, what if we drove all the way to the beach?”

Axel looked over at him, smiling lopsidedly. “The beach? Wanna go for a midnight swim?”

Roxas grinned back, pulling his feet up onto the seat and hugging his knees to his chest. “Or see the sunrise!”

Axel laughed, sounding as weirdly excited as Roxas did. “Oh, what if we really overdid it and found some shabby motel to crash at and spent days out there?”

Roxas was suddenly giddy with the possibilities. “Weeks! No, months, let’s not come back to rejoin society until the fall. Or never.”

Axel snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. “You dropping out of school?”

Roxas waved a careless hand, grinning at their harmless line of joking. “I’d prefer to call it taking an unexcused leave of absence.”

Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head. The light turned green, so Axel turned back to the road and eased off the brake. “What would we even do out there for weeks? Never mind months.”

“Bum around,” Roxas said instantly. Then he began thinking it over more deeply. Joke or not, it was interesting to ponder -- interesting that the idea really didn’t sound so bad, if it was just him and Axel. “We’d talk to each other and find stupid things to do. Explore this... liking each other business we have going on.”

“Wooooow,” Axel said, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and smirking out at the road. “What a way to put it. What does that entail? Exploring liking each other?” His gaze slid briefly to Roxas, suggestive. “Huh? Huuuuh?”

Roxas punched Axel in the arm, though not very hard. “Seriously, why do I like you?”

Axel laughed, and Roxas shook his head, turning to look out the window and gather his thoughts. He watched the streetlamps pass by, light posts fewer and farther between as they drove towards the outskirts of town. “I meant talking about what kind of relationship we want. And maybe... kissing. Holding hands.” This was embarrassing, but what did Roxas have to lose? He kept staring out the window and tried not to feel silly. “I don’t know. I’ve liked you since high school, but I never really...”

“Thought about the reality of it?” Axel asked simply, turning on the blinker and turning left somewhere. “I know. It’s been this sort of vague ‘what if’ for me for years, and now, it’s like... what do we do, now that we’re here? It’s hilarious.”

Roxas looked back to Axel, worry beginning to take hold of him. Was Axel regretting that this happened the way it had? On the cusp of a disaster? That now he had to hold Roxas’ hand and comfort him instead of enjoying finally getting together? 

If that was the case, then he wanted to make sure Axel knew this wasn’t all bad. That Roxas was happy they both confessed. “I mean, I definitely would like to kiss, that’s not vague,” Roxas asserted, thinking back to the study, back when everything felt perfect and ethereal and otherworldly, like the pieces of fate and destiny falling perfectly into place.

There was a pause, and it was hard to tell in the dark but Axel might have been blushing. He turned to wink at Roxas -- which from anyone else it might have looked annoying or skeevy, but on Axel it just looked like a little joke, kind of cute and kind of stupid and something Roxas loved. Also, he was definitely blushing, which helped. 

“Well,” Axel said, eyes going back to the road, hands fidgeting on the steering wheel. “Me too. I’m definitely looking forward to kissing you.”

Axel probably meant later. Probably meant eventually, like after they figured out if they really were going to drive an hour to the beach or not. Which, most likely not, because Roxas was going to have to go home at some point. Roxas was going to have to sit down with his family and he and Sora and their mom and dad were going to have a real conversation about what happened and what they were going to do as a family going forward. And maybe Roxas would tell them about being gay and about how seeing that play out in his dad’s comics in high school had been _why_ he’d been so uncomfortable with the strip for so long. And maybe that’d mean something, along with the broken study window and the giant slur-covered rock sitting in some evidence room at the police station.

Or who knew about any of that. But yeah, Roxas was pretty sure Axel meant they’d kiss later, not now. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe by the end of summer break or something. But Roxas -- he could feel energy thrumming under his skin. He felt so goddamn _alive_ right now.

“Are you going to brunch tomorrow?” Roxas asked, leaning over the console and edging closer and closer to Axel. “Naminé was pretty unclear about who exactly was coming.”

“Yeah,” Axel said, eyes flickering from off the road to Roxas closing in on him. His eyebrow quirked up, a little cattish grin taking hold of his lips. “The old drama crew might drop in too, according to Demyx.”

Did Roxas actually want to see any of them? Zexion was kind of cool. Lexaeus was intense but alright. And watching Larxene and Marluxia insult everybody could be fun.

Roxas pushed those thoughts aside, leaning in closer and closer, and vaguely he noticed that Axel turned on the flashers and pulled off to the side of the road. As the latest indie track ended and the music paused before the start of the next song, there was only the sound of the wind rustling the leaves of trees accompanying them.

“Do you still hate Saix, or is it cool that we made up and are best friends again?” Axel asked, amused, unclicking his seatbelt and closing in a little on Roxas, too. He brought up his hands to gently cradle Roxas’ face, like he was the most precious thing to be handled.

“I don’t know, did Xion forgive him for being a jerk in high school?” Roxas reached up to gently grip at Axel’s bicep one-handedly to help keep his balance. “But honestly, I don’t actually want to talk about Saix or anybody else right now. Can we just kiss already?”

Axel laughed. “Ugh, bossy ass. Got it, got it.”

In the darkness of the car, with the car display and the street lamps outside the only thing illuminating Axel’s high cheekbones and sharp features, Axel looked ethereal and otherworldly again. Roxas wasn’t going to tell Axel things like that for a while, until it was way more appropriate that he was pretty much in love with him already. But Roxas knew.

He’d known it but hadn’t had the words for it back in high school. He was in love with Axel. There couldn’t be any other word for this, as Axel drew as close as humanly possible and whispered, “Roxas, this is like a dream come true for me.”

And then Axel kissed him. Roxas’ mouth was a little busy (and his heart was a little busy too, lighting off fireworks inside his chest and overflowing with more emotions than Roxas thought possible to feel at one time), so he couldn’t manage to say _‘Me too’_. But it was like a dream come true for him too.

When they broke apart, they both could only hazily smile at each other. Roxas leaned forward to nuzzle his nose along Axel’s cheek. He needed to go home at some point, but screw it. He wanted to explore this. He wanted to explore the world with Axel. 

“Let’s go to the beach,” Roxas said, wondering if his voice betrayed how in love he was. “Let’s go see that sunrise.”

If his voice sounded anything like Axel’s then yeah, he was showing his whole hand, his whole heart. “Let’s go see that sunrise, then,” Axel murmured back in playful echo, one hand caressing the back of Roxas’ head, fingers combing through his hair fondly. And he sounded just as head over heels as Roxas felt.

Things were gonna be okay. Things weren’t as messed up as they sometimes felt. Roxas, leaning in to kiss Axel again, realized that sometimes, sometimes you just had to take things slow and let come what may. They’d liked each other since high school -- but it was fine that they were only now trying things out. Maybe that was for the better. Maybe that was for the best.

And maybe this was going to be something really really beautiful. He sure hoped so. He sure thought so.


End file.
